The holidays

Survivors of Suicide met in Hamilton on International Surivivors of Suicide day, November 21st. The video panel presentation from the American Foundation for the Prevention of Suicide (AFPS) was a healthy, yet emotional, discussion of what its like to be put on this path by the hand of another.

Yet, gathering is good for the soul. I felt privileged to meet others who are in the same state of shock and healing as I am. The chatter after the panel was helpful and healing. I was reminded that Senator Harry Reid was the one who started this special day of remembrance in 1999 after having survived his own father's suicide. Hopefully, the American health care initiative currently being debated in the American Senate will include increased mental health care for those in need.

The holiday period from Thanksgiving through to the New Year is a time of family gatherings and a stall in the healing as wounds are ripped open again by the empty chairs in each family experiencing suicide recently. Be gentle with yourselves is the message for this season.

As for the AFPS, I can say it's one of the best not-for-profits that I've come across. The materials I received from this organization have been truly helpful in finding the path to a healthy view of suicide. It helps to set aside the idea of blame. The outcome could not have been prevented in Caleb's case, it was truly only a matter of time.

It helps to seek out the 3 H's: Hugs, Heroes who will hush up and listen to stories and friends who will Hang Out with us. The AFPS will hold a fundraising walk all across North America next June and I fully expect to ask for your support of my participation in the "Out of the Darkness" walk in June 2010. You've been warned!

Preparing to face the holidays has been like finding myself with my feet stuck in concrete again. I've been told that this effect lessens with years of experience. I have to rely on the expertise of those who have gone before me. And they are legion - in the US alone, suicide is the 4th leading cause of death and someone chooses this path every 16 minutes leaving behind survivors. I'm still looking for the Canadian numbers but, in general, ours are about 10% - our population in ratio to the American numbers.

Today I received a very special gift: a digital photo of Caleb in which he is obviously happy. One thing I've learned is that nearly no one wants to hear about Caleb and yet I still want to talk about him and what a wonderful man he was - despite the end he chose. Yes, I'm sad as we head into Christmas but I'm thrilled with this one gift. Someone else shares what I feel about a wonderful human who we must carry on without. Someone else captured Caleb in a moment of joy!

Moving on - Playa memorials for Caleb Schaber

How to remember Caleb Schaber this year at the burn? Playa time being what it is, pick the one you can fit in to your schedule or that helps you to say goodbye:

• Bring a “found item” like a piece of wood that he might have painted on to add to the on-playa Outsider Art sculpture that we are creating. If you have one of Caleb’s paintings, photocopy and bring that to put on the sculpture. Bring that email that haunts you still. Heck, Caleb once created a piece of art from a pizza box! There will be basic tools to assist and some paints to apply your note – bring burnables only please. It is your sculpture of your memories of Caleb and we will burn it after the memorial on Thursday evening. Check at the ARTERY for placement location.

• Make an origami crane with the assistance of the crew at Rue Morgue (9:00 plaza) early in the week to place either on the sculpture or in the coffin that Rue Morgue puts in the Temple each year. Write your goodbye to Caleb on the crane. This is a drop-in anytime activity.

• Meet on Monday evening at 6PM at the Black Rock Beacon on Evolution Rd @ 5:30, to help us swarm the city's porta potties. We have created a Mental Health survivors Guide to the Playa and printed 500 on sticky labels for the porta potties. In Caleb's memory, let's help those who are suffering to have a safe burn!

• Eat breakfast on Wednesday morning at 8AM and until the food runs out at Toon Town Disco. We’re hosting the Breakfast of Mental Health Champions. We are going to be sooooo politically incorrect as to knock mental health stigma out of our society’s lexicon on Caleb’s behalf. There will be good food to fortify us, heck, Rhino is even bringing GRITS! I’m crazy; you’re crazy too, come dance with me at the disco!

• Memorial at Rue Morgue, 9:00 plaza at 6PM on Thursday followed by the burning of the sculpture once the sun sets. Bring your own “shooter” glass, tequila might be involved. Heck, bring some tequila so there's lots.

• Visit the Temple and leave your memories there. A poster has been created with some photos of Caleb. His name is on the Memorial Burner Plaque. One page in the book of memories in the center of the Temple is for Caleb – read about his life. Add your notes nearby.

• Attend Temple Burn this year, watch the coffin full of cranes enter the Temple and remember that crazy email Caleb sent you and let it all go as the Temple goes up in flames.

• If none of these fit your schedule or your personal connection to Caleb, crack open a PBR and drink to his memory. Don’t be surprised if there’s one less PBR in your cooler – his spirit will be there all around us hopping from camp to camp looking for a brew and deep, spirited conversation. When he shows up at your camp, love him or curse him for leaving us all behind to carry on without his crazy, wild, genius.

Peace be with you, Caleb