Friday, May 15, 2009

a tribute slideshow

Just made my first upload to YouTube. I'm sure I need to learn something because the quality is not as high as when I view it on my own laptop. Oh well, it was a creative endeavour that was healing.

Caleb's Memorial Monolith Burn

Oh and I really didn't like that YouTube stripped the audio and forced me to replace it with a classical piece. The original soundtrack I made included some of Caleb's favourite tunes and I even bought them but you can't put those on YouTube.

Caleb and I had an intense interest in news and would send each other links constantly. Now every time I see something that I think he'd like, I have to stop myself from sending it.

I'm resigned to having to deal with his death, I'm just now coming to realize that it's all real so I guess I'm not in shock anymore. Amazing the value of being in shock!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

postponing birthday

Can you imagine having a birthday in the middle of this?

On April 17th, I witnessed the shooting suicide of one of my best friends in the world, a man I loved. I am so friggin' mad that I couldn't stop him. I tried everything. But I'm even madder that no one else tried to help, even when asked.

Today, FB is sending me happy, happy greetings and all I can do is cry. I have crawled into my pajamas and been here for almost a week. The idea of happy just doesn't register. I don't blame these happy greeters, it's what we do on FB. But doesn't that say something about it's complete lack of relevance to the lives of real live friends?

When are we going to take the lack of mental health care in our world seriously? My friend Caleb deserved better from society and he didn't get it and I couldn't help. My rage at the system knows no bounds today. Depression is not contagious, all we need to do is reach out an empathetic hand as a society and provide the professional services requested and needed. As far as I'm concerned we're all responsible when someone chooses suicide because they couldn't get the help they needed when they asked for it. Every friggin' person on this continent is in some way responsible for the death of Caleb Schaber - he asked for help and we didn't give it to him.

Some people in officialdom even made his life worse. When I'm finished with the Department of Social Services in the City of Seattle, they will not know what hit them. Judging by the emails recently, they are starting to get that message except Mayor Greg Nickels who can keep his jargon and patronizing crap. Too bad that Caleb didn't defeat him in that election back in 2001. As for PayPal, in cahoots with RBC and TD Canada Trust, those bastards will never hear the end of my rage. When I feel better I will hire a lawyer to go after their asses on Caleb's behalf.

And then there's the whole PTSD thing from war. We teach children to get along in the school yard. No lying, no biting, no snatching of toys, etc. Then we grow up and vote for imperialistic shits (owned in whole or in part by military suppliers and world finance) who lead entire nations to war on a pack of lies using torture and stealing resources from weaker nations. Time for women to take a part on the big stage and get the human race on the path to peace.

So, I'm officially postponing my birthday. Today, I'm having a pity party at my house and no one is invited.

Instead of greetings to me, please send an email or phone call to someone you know who needs it or might need it. Talk to someone in your own circle who is having a tough time. Your phone call, your email could be the one thing that gets that person through today.

Re-schedule date for the celebratory birthday is TBA, later. Maybe next year will be easier.

PS. to those who really know me, you know I specifically asked for this week alone in my pjs and I am getting the professional help I need. Next week I will try to get out. Today, I'm feeling the rage and letting it go.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Take back the Day

In North America, Mother's Day was originally a day marked by women's peace organizations. Mothers whose sons had fought or died on both sides of the American Civil War would meet to patch the country back together again. Mother's Day Work Clubs assisted the encampments during the war to fight typhoid outbreaks. After the war, these groups continued as Mother's Friendship Clubs to help mend the families broken apart by the war.

The role of mothers in our public discourse has taken on the "Forgotten Woman" syndrome and we need a "Susan Boyle moment" to reclaim our place in society. We have voices that need to be heard on the national, provincial and local stages.

Rather than or in addition to flowers, chocolates or dinner out, why not take back this day to make our society more livable for our families. Let's talk about peace, let's talk about the things that need fixing in our societies. It's the one day when we ARE listened to and now is the time to make a difference. Let's de-commodify Mother's Day and make it about our role in society and making a difference in our families and our communities.

Peace would be much more comforting than a box of chocolates.